why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
