next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i've created a new STD.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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