so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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