you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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