come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
