So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
