you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
