After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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