Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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