I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
