ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
