Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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