Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
