Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
