i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize