He is an equal opportunity slut.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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