She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Operation Purity has been aborted
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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