worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
