so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
