dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
