FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
love makes seman taste better
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
