I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize