i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
