Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
