they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
