You're my little dorito
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
