a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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