Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
