what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
