i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
