positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
