why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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