Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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