just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize