if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
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No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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