Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she smelled like a LAN party
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize