Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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