Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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