Already got asked if we're dating
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
