I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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