Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
