i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
