he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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