So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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