Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
