are you so shy because you have an std?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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