at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
