that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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