can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
well you can't waste a boner
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
this boner is exhausting
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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