Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
