I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
