matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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