question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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