She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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