Where is the hickey?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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