i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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