Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
