last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
