i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My apartment stinks of burning failure
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
