I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
