God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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