Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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